*Disclaimer* This blog is full of blatant lies and contains images of people totally unconnected to any text that may sit above or below it ALRIGHT?! Contact Shampayne if you have a complaint about anything on here. Laters! x

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

You Can Do It Put Your Back Into It

A big bloody hello to you pimps, pushers and prossies.

I *heart* you all for your kind words left on the comments board, exept you Trudie - you can go and play with the traffic on the M1 for all I care.

Shampayne does'nt *heart* Trudie

Have been giving all of the advise some seroius considaration and have decided that its not all totaly shit where my sex life is concerned.

I CAN STILL DO BLOW JOBS!

Why I did'nt use my head before I dont know, if you pardon the expresoin.

Forgot to tell yous all that I am going on my holidays next week. We are off to Halkadicky which is realy realy exciting, cuz I have never been to Italy before. I here the men are well fit too. Mom said that she does'nt want me to get derpressed at the lack of sex so has given me the money from the Chrismas club that she runs at the Flagging Lamb. She sais she will pay it all back once her compensation comes through from The Accident Group.

I dont know if theres such a thing as the internet over in Halkadicky what with them being foreiners and all that. But if I find a internet cafe I will let you know whats going on in my crazy crazy world.

Have been practising my oral sex tecnique with my brother Gordon. He has become my bestest gay freind since Jay has no time for his mates any longer *subtle hint*. Gordon told me he learnt how to give head without puking up by pushing his toothbrush into his mouth a little further each day until he no longer got the gagging sensatoin. Brilliant! I should be able to do some realy hung totty without chucking my lunch up over there nads (its hapened before now beleive you me)

Tried it earlier in the bogs at collige and only bought up a bit of my chips. Getting better at it each day.

See, I am so versitile at this sex thing - and I am not gonna get preggers either. Last time I went on holiday to Spain I could'nt work out what the Spanish word for 'chemist' was, so could'nt get the morning after pill. Ended up doing a DIY job at home with a hot bath and a turkey baster full of fairy liquid and bleach. Job done.

Laters x

PS My engagement to Lubin is now OFF. Not herd anything for ages. Jon 'WS!' Cook says he is gayer than a box of frogs, so I should of seen the sines realy. Whateva, to coin a well known frase.

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shampayne

Your interpretation of 'being engaged' is having someone plug one of your ever-available ofifices.

As if anyone would want to take an old troll like you down the aisle.

Get real girl. You'll never be wed. Spinster material if ever there was.

6:17 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What's an ofifice Trudie?

Call yourself eductated.

Pah!

8:40 AM

 
Blogger Andrew said...

Oh for shag's sake.

Does this mean that I have to put up with turdy little comments from you as well as Josie?

Gimme an F, gimme a U, gimme a C, gimme a K, gimme an O, gimme an F, gimme another F.

Go figure girls.

8:42 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Gimme another F"

Surely that's your personal motto, Shampayne?

8:47 AM

 
Blogger Andrea Knapp said...

Sorry to hear about the engagement call off, Jon is usually right about most things!

oh and thanks for the techniques re the toothbrush! Never thought of that before!

:)

4:07 PM

 
Blogger Andrew said...

Cheers Andrea

I am not derpressed about the engagement. After all Lubin and I never actualy met, we just had phone sex a few times.

No probs. I learnt everything I know from talking to the gays. They have the whole sex, clothing, rerlatoinships thing sorted.

Will drink a specail toast to you when I get my first jug of Sangria in Italy next week.

Laters x

3:13 PM

 

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