Burn Baby Burn

Sorry for the lack of posting this week. I have been in hospital - I know, what has Shampayne gone and done now. Let me fill you in, so to speak:

Having taken Emmas advice to stop getting shagged whilst my ladygarden is temperaraly in winter mode, I have been using the new rabit vibrator that I 'bought' from Ann Summers.

Selena Cropston - who is also at collige with me - ofered to cause a scene by faking an epaleptic fit in the shop and it worked. During the diversoin I grabbed the big dildo and legged it. I am not paying there prices and anyway I read that the sex industry is realy profitabal - so they can aford to lose a couple of bits of merchandyse. So thanks Selena, I owe you one. Just tell me what you want and Kerry from The Flagging Lamb can get her feller to get it you.

Anyway I digress! Now you know how I got my new bit of DIY kit, now you need to know what hapened when I was using it.

Spent last weekend watching old pop videos from the 80s and began flicking myself off with the rabbit. I was pretending that a member of Durran Durran was giving it to me. Came so hard it was like a rerun of The Poseidon Adventure. Mom would kill me if she knew what those stains were. Luckily we dont have a posh sofa from DFS like Trudies mom or those pastel shades would be ruined to buggery.

I found this bit where my fave band member was in his pants (they were always in Monsarat in linin suits or swimming trunks werent they?) and hit the pause button and was realy giving the rabbit a right good shunting when the bastard device snapped inside me, causing third degree burns as a result of all that battery acid inside my foo foo.

Fuck! I was bad enough before this latest episode and now it looks like I mite have to resort to only doing bum sex until I heal over. I may as well be a big gay boy like Jay for all the pounding my ringpeace is gonna get.

Why does all this stuff only happen to me? I am begining to feel jinxed or summat.

Am wondering if I should sue for greveous bodily whatsit. Are there any loyers out there who can advice me?

Realy need cheering up big time. Emma, Dom, Andrea, Jonathan, Jaymastar - where are you, give the Shampayne some tendar loving comments. Or simply send me some cash via my PayPal account.

Shampayne@aol.com

I *heart* you all.

Laters!

x