Trumpington Street

Yo beyotches!

Shampayne 'Big Mac' McClusky here. Ive missed y'all so much. The compewters still busted because of Cripples 'biologycal acident' - i.e pissing all over the modem. Mom says we cant aford to replace it just yet because she has'nt had her money through from The Accident Group yet, for tripping over a McFlurry. Seems that when some brat dropped it on the floor at McDonalds my mom never saw it and went arse over tit on the floor. She broke some nails and messed her hare up big time. Still she won £1500 which works out at £350 after The Accident Group have taken there share of the winnings.

Personaly i think there money grabbing bastards for copping more dosh than mom does. Still Ive told mom it beats selling cheap marouaner at The Flagging Lamb. Thats the pub that mom works at three nigths a week. Its a bit rough but the karioki is good fun. I do a mean rendition of The Shoop Shoop Song by Cher.

Ive been reading this blog over at http://trumpingtonstreet.blogspot.com/ which is full of dead braney students, just like me. Except there all at Oxford or somewhere posh. Anyways, theyve all been sticking up for Shampayne on there websight after some dick called Mike Skinner called me a skank or summat. Like I said before, you can diss the Shampayne all you want, I aint botherd. B-O-T-H-E-R-D? Moi?

Got absolutly hammered on Bank Hol Monday. Went out with Jay and Shell and decided that we would drink localy rather than spend our money on taxis and shit. I dont remember much after the third vodka slammer. In fact when I finaly came around I was in some kids playground staked out on this roundabout thing and was down to my bra and pants. Fuck knows where my clothes have got to. Ended up having to get on the bus in my undies which was making everyone laugh big time. Still, Shampayne does'nt give a flying shag. EVeryones seen my tits more or less, so I aint gonna stress about been seen in my bra am I?

When I got home it turns out my arse was bleeding so I had to keep some bog roll in my knickers until it stopped. I thought I had ended up having that really strong vindaloo at Korma Chameleon which always tears a hole in my arse the next morning - but no! Shel says that something DID happen on Bank Holiday night, but she cant bring herself to tell me.

So - who knows what the big secret is. Im gonna have to weedle it out of her by sitting on her face and farting all night. She wont want that - especially as I had a curry pot noodle for lunch!

Laters x