Bye bye baby

Hi readers

How you doing? Sorry for making you wait for the conclusoin to the 'naked in the park' insident. Shell ended up telling me, after Id beaten the information out of her, what all the malarky about bank holiday Monday was all about.

TUrns out that we left the pub, or should i say got kicked out after i was sick on there new flatscreen telly that theyve instaled for showing sky sports. The manager sais i have to pay for it but fuck that. Ill just go to the other bars instead.

Anyways, we all ended up at Cara's house as she was having a barbecew in the garden. Seems i was the life and sole of the party, literaly. I drank Caras dads home made punch and got realy out of my tree on it. Because I had eaten this burger that had only just been put on the barby it seems I had gobbled down some raw beef. Went upstares and ended up having to wait for the bloody toilet so just yakked up out of Caras bedroom window and then passed out.

Shell came up to see where i was two hours later and found a cue of men waiting to shag me. Turns out that at least 13 people had already done me up the front and back door whilst i was hanging out the window. Bastards the lot of them. Shell rescud me and took me home. She is such a good freind.

Well Tuesday was'nt much fun as for the first hour it was like some floodgate had opened and all this gunk was pouring down my thighs. Seems Im a bad advert for safe sex now too. Shit! Anyways i decided to get myself to the chemist and get the morning after pill. My mom takes them all the time as she sais the pill makes you fat and my dad cant keep a stiffy with a jonny on his todger. So after chucking up for england I am pleased to say there aint gonna be any mini-shampers running around.

Shell said it was for the best as if I was preggers then the baby could of been black, white, yellow or may have even barked. All men are bastards. The most annoying part is that i missed out on all that sex and dont remember any of it. I here that Tony Mackenzie has a massive cock and I DONT REMEMBER ANY OF IT. I may ask him if he wants a second pop at it next weekend.

Today Im spending the day in the house. Turns out i got crabs and have to lie on the bed with this derback stuff all over my minge and arms and hare and EVERY FUCKING ORRORFICE. Ive put some Muller corner up my ladygarden to stop the itching but was'nt sure if i should of used the fruity bit too.

I dont realy care about the shame of being shagged by half the naybourhood. You no me readers, theres no shame about the shampayne. Still, its good to share it with you all - your me mates innit!

Laters x