Carpet Burns Ahoy!
Oh. My. God.
Its true, Tony has got nothing to be shy about in the showers. He did me at five past seven tonight - only because I did'nt want to miss Big Brother - or I would have let him stay the nite.
Tony wanted me to dress up for him, so brougt over this realy wierd costume that was all white from the head to the toes and some daft mask that looks like a witches hat (but looked more like the clothes in that mad video by the pet shop boys when they did that 'Can You Forgive Her' song, which reminds me - is Niel Tenents dead yet? Fuck knows. Still you never see them on TMF these days do you?)
Anyway Tony took a picture of me on his mobile so I could have it as the walpaper on my phone. What do you reckon? Still not sure why I had to hold that gun - it makes me look like a cross between the baby jesus and a tellytubby.
Anyways, Tony did me a couple of times. Once up against the fridge and then on the utilety room floor. The second time was so forceful that we moved out of the utilety room to the kitchen without walking. Ive got carpet burns on my nipples and have been rubbing sudocrem into them for the last hour (thanks Dom for the advise)
Tony says he does'nt think we should do it again as his girlfreind would'nt like it if we became regular shag buddies. Anyway, I think I am much better of with my vibrator. At least my vibe does'nt fart mid-shag! I think I will give Tony an 8 out of 10. He lost points for making me drop my chips cuz I came so quick. I thought I would have chance to eat all of my tea first before my twinkle started tingling.
Ive decided that I am gonna try and turn Jay straight. He says he is never gonna 'do fish' but I reckon that with enough Barcardi Breezers down his gob and his favourite Barbra Strisand album in the background, I might just get my leg over!
Laters x
posted by Andrew at 6:24 AM
4 Comments:
Em sugah, it is never gonna happen!
I hope the Sudocrem works for you Sham - if you keep it in the fridge it'll help to soothe the chafing (though remember it's not for internal use!!)
2:52 AM
Hi Trumpettes
To answer Em's question, I use this thing called a back and arm massager (yeah right) that I got from Quids-In (our eqivalent of Poundstretcher)
It works grate but the batteries go after about three hours.
Before that I would sit on the washing machine and just use my fingers.
To answer Dom's comment, you dont know the power of the Shampayne. Ive turned a couple of guys who liked bumsex. I did them and whilst they threw up mid-shag they still managed to keep it up for at least four minutes. That must count for summat.
Dom - how did you know you were gay? Jay said he realised he was gay when he kept ending up with a knob in his mouth.
11:18 AM
Tut tut Emma, you should know that Shampayne will end up in the slammer if she gets another conviction for shoplifting under her belt.
Don't encourage her!
11:21 PM
I dunno. I just woke up one day and Boyzone were on the telly and I thought "Fuck they're sexy..."
This is a while back you understand, I was like 7 or something.
7:11 AM
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