Make It Larger For 30p

Yo muthas and hoes. Hows it hanging?

Its the Shampayne here, and I just wanna say that I *heart* you all big time.

Dom - you are oficailly forgiven. I was just being a bitch and felt like taking it out on someone, you were the someone I am afraid. Its just this fucking pregnancy, its doing my head in.

Had a pretty quiet week. Me and Col are okay, we are shagging like bunnies again after a dry spell. Col said his work at the fitness centre was making him too knackered to do me. I love his dedacatoin to that job. All those boys should know just how much time and effort is being invested into their fitness and futures. I wish somone had taken me under their wing at the age of fifteen and got me into a gym. Maybe I wouldnt be the fat fuck that you see today.

Wednesday all of us went out to the cinema. We went to see Serenety witch is written by the bloke who did Buffy and Angel. I couldnt understand a fucking word of it but Gordon and Colin loved it. Jay never showed up and rang me half an hour in to say that his rash had got worse. Seems that he picked up this nasty dermatitis thingummy at the gay sauna and was having to wear mittens in bed cuz he was scratching it like fuck. I worry about him, and Gordon and all the other bummers. Straight people never have to worry about shit like that do they. Mind you, my foo foo was dead itchy after Colin went down on me yesterday morning. Probably to do with him not shaving since Thursday. Hey ho.

Yesterday me and Col went to Maccie Ds for lunch and I had a row with the girl behind the counter for flirting with my man. All I heard was her looking at Colins packet and saying 'would you like me to make it bigger for 30p'.

Well, I ended up calling her a slag and saying that if she wanted to be a hoe she shouldnt be working for McDonalds. The manager came over and told me that Shania, the skanky fat bitch in questoin, was only asking Colin if he wanted the extra value meal and that there was some misunderstanding. Too fucking right there was. These girls can all fuck off and get there own boyfreinds. Hands off you bunch of whores.

Col was a bit narked with me and said that even if people flirt with him, he only has eyes for me. Aaaaaw, felt a bit like a twat and said sorry, witch is a big deal for the Shampayne. I am never wrong normaly you see.

Ended up patching things up in the park on the way home, as Col sugested that we had a bit of outdoor fun. Did me behind a bush and when he came he shouted 'goal!'. Boys are funny.

Next week, me and Shelly are off to London for two days. Shelly has won a makeover with 'Sugar' magazine and can take a freind with her. I aint letting some fag put shitloads of blusher on me to make me look like a fat versoin of Girls Allowed. I am going cuz its free and cuz Shelly is so excited. Sometimes I think I must be a bit of a dyke cuz I just dont get a thrill out of dressing up. Still, I enjoy cock too much to be a proper lezzer.

Laters x