*Disclaimer* This blog is full of blatant lies and contains images of people totally unconnected to any text that may sit above or below it ALRIGHT?! Contact Shampayne if you have a complaint about anything on here. Laters! x

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Kiss My Arse Deleah Smith















Last night Col and I stayed in and watched some romantic films on the settee.

I realy liked ‘Seed Of Chucky’ and ‘I Know Who You Did Last Summer’ but Cols mind was elsewhere. You know, if I am gonna rent some DVDs, well I say ‘rent’ because Shelly has contacts at Blocbusters who can ‘borrow’ films on the sly, then I want to watch them and not miss half the fucking story cuz Colin starts getting all horny on me.

I have told Col, if you wanna get jiggy with the Shampayne, then you need to get some decent porno films from Jonno at Subway Sarnies. He has loads of stuff on offer and you can pass him a list of your ‘wants’ when you pop in for a hot bacon baget. Result!

I mean its hardly a big deal to take your eyes off the screen for ten minutes whilst you give your boyfriend head, is it? Emma knows what Im talking about. Just the sound of some bleach blond bimbo getting spit roasted and moning like she is being split in two is dead sexy and puts me and Col in the mood.

Yesterday during the day I decided that I would phone the ‘Quids In’ shop to see if there was any news on my interveiw. Seems like the manager Dave said that it was all a formalety and that the job is more or less mine. I just have to pop in at 6:30pm on Thursday and see him for a one to one chat. He told me to ware summat nice. Fingers crossed then for the Shampayne!

Col said it was dead weird that Dave wants to interview me so late, but its my life and I wanna make a good impression. Col has only ever worked in the feild of sport so what does he know about proper jobs? No one tells the Shampayne what she can and cant do.

Tonight I am cooking a meal for dad and aunty Jean with some help from Charlie. Chanelle is still playing the cripple big time and isnt lifting a bloody finger. I tell you, I am tempted to jump in front of a bus if it gets you out of doing all the chores. Some girls are so lazy.

I have taken charge of the menu and Charlie is going to pertend to be a waitress and dress up. aunty Jean had a waitress outfit funily enough. Not sure why as she has never worked in the service industry in her life. Its a bit short but Charlie has got cracking legs. Much better than mine. Colin told me I had legs like corned beef which resulted in a swift knee in the bollocks. Result.

Our menu for tonight:

Findus Crispy Pancake with salad leafs
Chicken baked in puff pastry with Dairylea cheese filling.
Birds Trifle with a big fucking dash of Tea Maria!

The pie is gonna be a bit tricky as I am making it from scratch. I am peeling the breadcrumbs off some chicken nuggets we have in the freezer and have to roll out the pastry. I just hope that its defrosted by 6:00 or we mite have to resort to giving them more crispy pancakes.

Dad thinks its dead sweet and tells me that wifes fall into three catagorys:

Corporate

House

Fish

I am not sure which one I perspire to be like the most. I was gonna do another one of those poll things, but none of you fuckers bother to fill ‘em in.

Anyway, got some pans and stuff to get out of the cubored so I cant stay here talking to you lot now can I?

Laters x

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chicken AND dairylea pie? My my, arent you the little Jamie Oliverette on the sly?

Your Aunty Jean sounds like a right slag! My Uncle Declan would like to add his name to the waiting list if that's okay?

5:17 PM

 

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