*Disclaimer* This blog is full of blatant lies and contains images of people totally unconnected to any text that may sit above or below it ALRIGHT?! Contact Shampayne if you have a complaint about anything on here. Laters! x

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Hope For Us All






















I just read this article in the local paper about a girl who was trying to lose her pot belly by going to the gym and dieting, but nothing was working at all.

Turns out after visiting her quack that the only thing he could suggest was that she was up the duff. Typical fucking NHS response. Duh!

After telling her doc that it was impossible that she was preggers (probably becuase she was either a total lezzer or a miss goody too shoes virgin), the doc then did an ultra sound scan and only went a found a fucking cyst that streched from her pelvis to her rib cage.

After operating on her to remove the cyst, her weight dropped 9st 2lbs to just under 8st.

Speaking to Reveal magazine, she said: "The surgeon said he had never seen a cyst so big in someone my age."

This realy filled me with joy. Not becuase some random girl is going to have a scar across her belly. I am not a total bitch. No - it was becuase it could explain why my belly is bigger than average.

Rather than go on some waiting list, I can wait until Precious Pashmina is born and get the doctors to remove my cyst at the same time. I am deffo having a cesarian, as Mom says your fanny is as slack as anything after having kids. She said that dad can no longer get her off during a shag and she has to finish herself off with her fingers. I cant say that is a nice prospect to be honest.

I might ask the surgeon to cut off the excess slack while he is at it. If its good enough for all these celebs then its good enough for the Shampayne.

Laters x

1 Comments:

Blogger Andrew said...

Dunno where the book came from, Jay emailed me the pic when I told him what I was gonna write about.

Maybe a libary would be a starting point.

You dont need tips Emma, well not those kind of tips anyway.

Laters x

8:01 PM

 

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