The Edge Of Heaven

You know something, you never realy know someone. Seems I have been another stupid blind idiotyc girl that has fallen for the wrong man. Fans of this blog will know that I am not the sort of girl to keep my private life erm private - in fact I am more likely to talk about my privates if anything. I have lovely labia even if I say so myself.

My ex-feyonce Colin and I have called our engagment off. Well, we never realy spoke about it, I just gave him one massive kick to the bollocks and poured a pint of Lambrini over his head before kicking him to the kerb.

Why? Because our relatoinship is more similar to the band Wham! than most people realise. Stage one - Colin shags me senseless and is a total spunk-monster in bed, proud to be seen out with me and sensative and kind and not like most blokes. Fact. This is a bit like George Micheal and Andrew Rigley with Pepsi and Shirly - two good time blokes with their birds.

Stage two - Then all of a sudden I find out that Colin hasnt been helping loads of young men find there fitness peak - he has been pimping them off to men in suits and old pervs from the local liesure center. Worse than that, Colin is a big old bummer and likes to take it up the arse himself. Gutted. A bit like George and Elton, pretending to be pals in that 'Dont Let Your Son Go Down On Me' video when they were possibley discussing witch members of the audience they would like to spitroast whilst singing the song. Its possible! Sorry George, I do like you, I do.

How did I find out?

Well, its a good job that my brother Gordon is a complete slag because he spotted that Colin was whoring himself on that well known mail order shag website GAYDAR. Gaydar is grate for the bummers, just select the cock you want and get it shipped over pronto. Except Colin never banked on the fact that Gordon spotted Cols profile on the website and reckoned that it looked a hell of a lot like him. He got his friend Craig to send Colin a private message and arranged a date. Turns out that Colin only went and tried to enlist Craig as an additoin to his rent list, a bunch of teenage boys that Colin hires out to dirty old scrotes and unhappily married men.

Gordon couldnt beleive it and then spent ages wondering how to brake the news to me. Half an hour later he knew he had to do the right thing by me and texted me that my boyf was a bummer. I was due to meet Col in Maccie Ds but told him to get drive thru and bring it back to the flat. As soon as I had those bags of food safely in my hands I then did my kick ass punch to his nads and told him to sod off.

I am now unsure if I can ever realy enjoy a Big Mac value meal ever again, cause it will remind me of that shitbag. The burger bun got drenched by my tears, I was crying so much.

Just in case you think that I am lying, here's the proof. Take a look at Colins Gaydar profile. It seems he has been giving his bulletwound up to the highest bidder for some time now. Gutted.

Click here

So, here I am alone, with a baby growing inside me from a father thats probaly going to be much better at picking out baby clothes and co-ordinating bibs and booties than I ever will. Gutted. Not sure I even want to keep this baby now. What on earth am I going to do?

Charlie has told me that I could always sell my unborn child on eBay and be a suffragette mother. The money is tempting for sure. What do you think I should do?

Laters x