With This Ring, I Thee Wed

Yeah right. As if I'm going to marry Ignacio! What sort of fairytail happy ending did you want to this story? Get real.

The picture is of Shelly and Darren. She and him are gonna stay in touch and be long distance lovers. I have warned her that he is probably just looking to marry her so he can get a UK passport. I mean, Grease is a third world country after all. She needs to be careful. Still, it will probably all fizzel out after a couple of weeks of phone sex.

Well, here's the last instalment in the holiday saga. The last full day of the holiday was spent with the whole gang. The others had to vacate there hotel and were at a loose end. Me and Shel had the option to keep our room until we needed to leave so the others came over to our plaice.

Got ratted at the bar and Jay had a row with Josh who was flirting with Clive. Gordon got mad at Josh for flirting with Clive. It was all handbags at dawn and me and Shel just pissed ourselves laughing at the body langauge. I tell you, a catfight between girls is one thing, but with queens its on another level intirely.

I decided that I needed to get me some more holiday romance before flying home as all I had done was Ignacio, the Halckerdicky police force and some random Greek tramp. A girl needs to notch up her bedpost before matrermoney calls, after all.

Tipped this english bloke called Kevin the wink. He was in the bar on his own as his wife and kids had gone off to day market for last minute presents. Got chatting and purswaded him to go off to the bogs with me. Seems he has been a good boy and had kept his marraige vows for the last 9 years. He got rather overexited and 'spent his pocket money' before he had even got into the shop. Shit! Ditched him pronto and went over to the leisure centre to see if there was any more totty hanging around.

Spotted two blokes playing squash and decided I woul'dnt mind playing 'squash' underneath one of them. A blond guy in his thirtys I guess called Mike. When they had finished playing I called over and said 'hey Mike your techniqe is realy good, how do you do those grate backhanders', which of coarse any girl knows is tantamount to fourplay with any bloke. Tell them that you find something impresive about them and they go all testosteroney on you. Ten minutes later I was in a broom cupboard getting it up the arse. Result!

Got back to the bar only to find that Trudies mom and dad were back again looking for me. Legged it over to Ignacios room and asked him if I could stow away for a bit. I wasnt scared of them or nuffink but just didnt want my last day to be spoiled or get the others involved in a brawl. Ignacio was dead nice and kept stroking my hare as we lay on the bed watching the CNN news channel. It was the only program that was in english. They had Dallas, Goodnight Sweethart and Attack Of The Clones on telly but it was all overdubbed into Greek. Bastards.

Ignacio told me that he was sorry things hadnt worked out for us and I said that it was a shame and all that. Then he got down on one knee and bought out this fucking awful ring and asked me to marry him. I pissed myself laughing and said "you must be joking mate" and did a bunk. Still it was the first proposel I have had so far and think that I handled it pretty well.

Told the others downstares in the bar that Ignacio had asked me to marry him and everyone started shreiking and hugging me. "Oh I am so pleased for you, where will you live, what about your beauty coarse at collige" etc etc.

I had to laugh realy that they thought for a minute that the Shampayne was ready to stop sharing her box of delights with the male race just yet. I mean, there would be a riot back in milton kenes if they thought that I was off the market.

Boreded our plane at 4pm and we all got ratted on the mini bar. Again got bollocked by the cabin crew for taking fags and jewelry from the 'shop' without paying first. I was gutted as I thought I had got away with it without being seen. Turns out that some old bitch behind me grassed us up. Got my own back later by making myself sick over her. We had a beef dinner on the plane too you should of seen her t-shirt!

All backfired at the airport though as I was oficialy advised that I was now banned on Air Grease flights. I told them that it was no big fucking deal as I hated the bastard country and was never planning on going back again anyway. They can kiss my arse.

Got home to find that mom had been arrested for embezzlement of the chrimbo club funds at the Flagging Lamb and had also been sacked from her job. All because of me too. Felt bad for a few minutes and then went to bed for the rest of the day. She got sentenced on Thursday morning and should be home in time for Chrismas all being well.


Laters x