Vinegar Tits

Well, the morning after, it apears that Trudies dad was'nt kidding. The greek police turned up and I was arrested for asaulting Trudies mom!

I was'nt even alowed to put my clothes on and ended up in the back of the police car in my bra and pants. Shelly ended up phoning Gordon to tell him what had hapened as I was being bundled out of the hotel room. Bastards.

Not the police, but Trudies parents, as I love the boys in blue and have always had a bit of a thing for coppers. The Greek police arent as fit as here, as they ware a bit of a funny uniform, but it was still quiet horny being cooped up in a car with three blokes and some handcuffs. I am used to wearing those in bed and have experienced them in the back of a car too so it did'nt feel too wierd realy.

Got to the station and there english was realy crap and I coul'dnt understand what the hell they were asking me. I did manage to understand 'lawyer' and 'telephono' which made me remember that I am alowed a phone call. Those years of watching Prisoner Cell Block H did'nt go wasted after all. Got put in a cell without getting to make the call and started to get a bit freaked out. After all, strange country, foriegners, no one speaking the proper lingo and the thought that I might be gang-banged in my sleep.

Suddenly things did'nt seem so bad at all after that last thought. Anyways the police were all dead friendly and kept coming into my cell and giving me hugs. Some kept trying to take my bra off, but I figured that it mite get my charges reduced from 'ABH' to 'causing a bastard nuisance in a public plaice' if I played my cards right.

I was right! After I had been spit-roasted by four policeman, before lunch and after, I just had to give the owner of 'La Bamba' a hand-shandy and he agreed to submit a statement saying that it was actualy Trudie that threw the wine bucket contents over her mum and not me. Result!

Ended up losing a day of my holiday and have broken my promise to Emma not to get shagged on holiday, but I figure that getting out of prison free was a much better option than ending up in some god awful Greek slammer getting fisted by some Martina Navpavlova lookey-likey in the prison showers.

Got back to the hotel at 10:30 and everyone joined us in the bar for a celebration. Trudies parents turned up and tried to make a scene about police coruption and how they were going to raise a complaint at the embassey. Blah blah blah. Told them both to fuck off and thank there lucky stars that Trudie wasnt banged up in some cell. At that point Trudies mom started crying because it appears that Trudie WAS banged up in a cell after all. Still, she was only there until yesterday morning after her dad pulled some strings with another of his sodding Tory mates.

They are gonna think twice before taking the Shampayne on again, innit?

Drank cocktails in the bar until 4am which is the point that Jay passed out. Had to pop him and the rest of the boys into a taxi and send them on there way. I was alright as I hadnt been mixing. I stuck to Absinthe all night.

The next morning I woke up. Well, I say morning but it was actualy 2pm. Looked in the mirror and it seems that I decided to have a bit of a makeover under the influence of the green fairy. Those of you who have gotten hammered on absinthe will know what I mean. Seems I had shaved both of my eyebrows off and had cut into my fringe with my nail clippers.

Shit! Looks like that career as a top modal mite have to go on hold until next year after all.

Laters

x x x