She said revenge can be so sweet

Hello to the Shampayne Jet Set!

God its been a right week. My beauty coarse is going dead well and i am pleased to say that Mrs McConville has only given me a bollocking three times this month. Things are realy looking up. In january i got told off for scalding this old bags scalp when washing her hare. After been told i could get expeld from the collige if i swore again in front of customers i decided to be a good girl. Its hard ya know not to eff and jeff at beuaty school cuz its like second natchure to me.

I got into Mrs McConvilles good books when we was learning about promoting business on the internet. When she finds out Ive got my own websight she was well impressed. She has even managed to get me some web sponsors - which is basicaly adverts on the page and shit. Ive been paid £25 just to paste this pic on 'Shampaynes Plaice'. Excelent!! I can now get rat arsed during bank holiday without having to blag pints off Shel and Jay! Nice one!



Now you no some foke out their think Shampayne is a chav and a skanky old cow. I dont care what people say but if there gonna post that shit on my websight then i am going to exact my revenge (thanks for that frase Shell!) One such bitch is Josie who keeps posting rubish comments. Let me tell ya - you aint gonna win this one lady. Thanks to Shannon, your former best freind, Ive got a picture of you that you would rather forget.

Lets tell the story of when Josie went to Mark Filbys 18th party and copped off with Shannons boyfreind T-Jay in the utilety room. Shannon found Josie getting fingered on top of the spin drier - slag. Josie has always found it more intresting to steal other girls fellers than get one who is single. I think they call that prostitution in some countrys. Anyway - Josie got smacked in the gob and then got bladderd on two glass of White Lightening before passing out on the settee.

Look what happend next!



Just wanted to say, it could hapen to anyone Josie so dont you get upset about several hundred people seeing you wet yourself in a drunken stewpor. Tramp!

One of my readers, who wanted to be anonimous, has posted a comment accusing me of being a fowl mouthed cow. Let me just warn you - Shampayne has contacts, Shampayne can find out who you are, Shampayne can post a piccie of you in a compermising persition.

Dont diss the Shampayne. Shampayne rules.

Laters x

That Fucking Bitch

Hi readers

Shampayne McClusky here finaly after several days silense. Ive had to nip to Jaysons house to use his compewter as our has had a major fucking catasterphy!

My boxer dog - Cripple - decided to take a big piss all over our modem and now none of us can get on line. Fucking bitch! And your all used to me using such words to describe Trudie. Well not this time.



So please acept my apoligies for not telling you much this week. To punish Cripple we decided not to feed her for two days. JUST KIDDING. What sort of a total cow do you think i am? That was a retoricle question (thanks to Jays mom for that word, i have'nt a bleeding clue what it means)

One of my readers reckons they no Jays sister. Well youll have to tell me which you know as Jays mom has had lots of kids. Even Jay has'nt met all of them. She started young and some went into foster homes as it was the best thing realy. What with the drugs and everything. Jays got two sisters who live with him and his mom and her husband. Charladee and Bobbie-Jo who are twins but not identical - cause Bobbie-Jo has got smaller tits than Charladee. Jays stepdad is well into line dancing and wanted daughters with amercian style names. I think there fucking stupid choices but when i decide to keep a baby full term i will get to choose the name for my kid. Jay keeps telling me we all have a right to choose.

I just wish i could choose a smaller arse and thin thighs but mom sais life isnt fare.

Oh - and heres a message for Natasha Johnson - FUCK OFF HORE. Natasha is Trudies best mate and looks like a cross between Michele McManus and a mongol. She stole my fags out of my coat pocket when we were all at the cinema watching revenge of the sif. A fucking dull film if ever there was one. I spent most of the time texting Lubin and chatting to my mom. Some old git told me to shut up so i threw my Pepsi Max all over his crotch. He didnt say a word to me after that. Funny huh?

Laters x

A taste of Shampayne

I still cant beleive that over 600 people have read this web blog thing already. I never expected more than Jay, Shelly and maybe Josh to visit it. Still, you can never bank on popularity. I still reckon it will all blow up in my face and the readership will drop right off by next weekend.

Some vile bitch slags out there are saying that Shampayne isnt real and that this blog is all bollocks. Well let me tell you something - I am fresher than fresh, exciting - and Im 100 persent for real. So suck my dick all you doubters and go out and do something less boring instead.

One of my readers has asked me for a childhood picture. Probably because he is some sort of sick wierdo that likes to jerk off to kiddie porn or summat. Just kidding James!!! Your dead nice realy ;-)

Anyway, heres a pic of me aged 8 at my Moms birthday party. My favourite record was 'Dreamer' by Living Joy. Whatever hapened to them? One hit bloody wonders. Still love that song. Me and Shelly made a dance routine for it and theres a video somewhere of us practising. Happy days!



Anyways if any of you lot want to email me you can send marriage perposals, love letters etc to ShampaynesPlaice@aol.com.

Laters! x

Every dog has her day

Shelly told me the terrible news this morning. Someone has broken into Trudies house and kidnaped her cherwower. I know Ive spellt that wrong but you know what I mean.

Seems someone with a vendeter against Trudies family got into the house during Saturday afternoon stole two bottles of vodka did a poo in the kitchen sink and stole the dog.

Because Trudies dad can still pull some strings he managed to get Trudie a spot on local radio making some stupid plee for 'Briony' to be returned. BRIONY? BRIONY!! What the fucking hell was she thinking calling a dog 'Briony'. Duh.

Im dead pissed at the news that Trudies dad has been given some contract working with the mare of Milton Kenes as an adviser or something. Some bastard tory will have said 'give the man a job'.

Anyway at least Trudies not going to be homeless. Her moms finaly showed her mug in Morisons again saying she went to some friggin health farm after the election. Yeah right. More like crying 24/7 and drinking jack daneils morning noon and night. Bitch.

Still the police havent found out where the dog is. Who would be such a hartless bastard to steal someones dog just for fun.

Poor Trudie. My simpathies are with you right now.

NOT

Lady Luck Dont Give A Fuck

I stayed in bed all day yesterday. Before you think I spent the time bashing my bonce against the headbored with the gorgous Lubin, think again! It was for two reasons:

Friday the friggin thirteenth!

Recreating my own version of the exorcyst!

I am realy superstisous ever since I was seven and watched Mr Crispin holding on to a lampost whilst trying to shake a stone out of his shoe. Shellys dad was looking out the window and thought Mr Crispin was being electrecuted by the lampost, so got a shovel from the boot of his car and whacked it onto his arm to brake the connectoin. He hit him so hard that he broke Mr Crispins arm and he ended up having to have it ampertated. That was my first expeirence of Friday 13th and its haunted me ever since. I make a vow never to leave the flat which is what i did yesterday.



On Thursday I went to the new 'Quids In' shop in town after collige as Shellys mom said they had a grate deal on these long life ready meals that all the big supermarkets had taken off the shelfs because of a product recall. Something to do with the Sedan.

Anyway the whole range was five for a pound, so i bought ten of them. As i was houseboned yesterday I spent the morning watching Trisher, Good Morning, Judge Judy and then did an hour of QCV. At 10:15 I decided it was time fo r lunch, so heated up the balti prawn masarla and the lasange. They tasted okay nothign special but the portions were so small that i had the spag bol and the chicken supreme at 11:30.

At 2:00 i woke up on the sofa and felt realy sick. I only just made it to the bog and started chucking up for england. It was just like that Linda Lovelace in the Exorcyst, it kept coming and coming until i thought i was going to bring up my liver. Grose.

So clearly i cant even stay at home without the curse of Friday 13th playging me. Shit!

Mom sais its nothing to do with good and evil and that im a greedy cow. Sometimes i hate mom so much. Bitch. Still shell be laughing on the other side of her face once im Mrs Odana. Mom has been naggin dad for years to marry her and even perposed on 29th Feb twice. He told her to sod off. I hope that Lubins more romantic than dad and mom are.



Anway, the big news is that Jayson and Josh have split up, as Jay was nobbing Clive behind Joshes back. Josh is hartbroken OBVOUISLY. I find it hard to be freinds with them both as Jay sais its a bertrayal if i carry on speaking to Josh. Shit, whats a girl to do?

If anyone has any advise on how to jugle freindships in the face of adversety and broken harts please drop me a line. Not a line of coke obvouisly as drugs are Trudies thing. Oh god, that's another secret shared with several hundred freinds. As Britney said, Oops I Did It Again!

Love To Love You Baby

I feel love, I feel love, I feel looooove!



Isn't he a dish? We're getting married!

Although Ive never met Lubin, I know we are destind to be lovers 4 eva and eva. Plus, I know he does'nt vote conservative so its gonna work on sew many levels.

Im going to wear a Burberry dress and Lubin's wearing a matching tie. We will look so fucking hot that Heat mag will want a peace of the action.

Whilst I am not a virgin, I know that Lubin's manly grasp will make me feel touched for the very first time.

Please leave a comment if you wish to be invited to the wedding. I'm hoping Whateva Sista will DJ for us on the evening reception cuase he has grate taste in music. I want to have my honeymoon at Centerparcs.

Im so excited and I just cant hide it.

I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW IWANT YOU WANT YOU.

Take That Look Off Your Face

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha x 1,000,000



Im not a nasty person persay, but i was totally made up when the following things happened last thursday night:

• The labia party won a third term
• Trudie's dad lost his seat in parlament

What a shaym! Never mind, it could'nt of happened to a nicer family. My mom sais that Trudies mom Elaine hasnt been seen in Morisons since and aparently she never bothered going to church this morning accoding to grandma evans.

Aaaaaw! I really feel for them at this time of disapointment and UNEMPLOYMENT. Still, you dance with the devil and he will break your legs, or whatever the saying is.

The picture of Trudie is grate. If Jayson wasnt too busy sucking cock, I mean 'watching videos' at his boyf's house then he could of super impozed a picture of a duster so Trudie could litraly wipe that smile off her face!!! "Nice one Shampayne", crys everyone.

Trudies dad follows these other grate conservative politicions into 'early retirement':

Political Animal (Fat Tory Cow)

This is Shelly and her mate from collige, Trudie. Trudie is the insinsere one on the left of the shot. Trudie is also a stupid minging fat Tory cow. Its official, everyone thinks so*



Trudie is in the year above Shelly at collige and is reading politics and economycs. What Shelly sees in Trudie I dont know, anyway I dont want you all to think Im just being a spitefull bitch by saying nasty things, let me clear something up once and four all.

1) Trudie thinks she something else just because shes 18 and is able to vote in todays election.

2) Trudie thinks shes better than me and Shelly because she lives in a nice house rather than a block of flats.

3) Trudies dad is standing for election in our constitutioncy - as a CONSERVATIVE candedate.

4) Trudie came into collige wearing a fucking 'vote conservative' sweat top - and boy was she sweating.

5) Trudies dad thinks that right wing leadership is a good thing.

6) Trudie and her dad are clearly mentally ill.

DO THE RIGHT THING IF YOUR ABLE TO VOTE AND KEEP THOSE TORY BASTARDS OUT FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS. VOTE LABIA sorry LABOUR.

There - this proves Im not stupid and can write about something other than gays and drinking.

* our panel consist of Jayson, Jaysons sister Gemma, Jaysons mom, Erica and Sadie from flat 4c and my boxer dog Cripple.

May Day Was So Gay

Jayson finaly confided in me during the adverts in Hollyoakes and said hed been seeing someone for ages now and he was in love. AAAH!

Jaysons boyfreind is called Josh which is short for Joshua which was one of the ten deciples if i remember right from sunday school. Josh isnt actualy one of the real deciples of coarse!

Josh met Jayson at a bustop outside collige and asked Jay if he had the time. Jay said TIME FOR WOT A SHAG OR SOMETHING expecting Josh to laugh it off but NO he sais YEAH OK YOUR PLAICE OR MINE. Jay and Josh still live with their fokes so they could'nt realy go back to each others plaices at all, so they went and had sex in a nearby toilet. Jay says its called cotaging which sounds mad. Anyway their proper boyfriends and everything now and are always at it. Jay says Josh has a big cock but it bends to the left when hes got a hardon but who cares their gay their young and their in love!

Heres Jay and Josh at the Pink Pony bar in north hampton. We went their on May day and it was grate.



There was just loads of realy fit lads who didnt look gay at all and me and Shelly kept feeling there arses to see if they realy were poofs or not. One told me to fuck off so he realy must of been gay after all! Shelly made friends with a lad called Dita which is a funny name for a boy. Laters on Dita got up on stage and did a realy sexy dance to that eroticer song by madonna. Dita kept rubbing himself and showing his nippels and knew all the words! I love the gays!

Laters Shelly got fed up of the Pink Pony and said she wanted us to go somewhere that had real men. Josh got upset with Shelly and said she was homeofobic and threw an ashtray at her. Josh has a right temper sometime and i just hope that he never hits Jay or hell have ME to anser to. Anwyay Josh said sorry to Sheely and we all went to the Yates bar to watch the last bit of the football. Josh and Jay had a right mood on them as the barman would'nt switch over to MOST HAUNTED LIVE. I dont understand most haunted live as if theirs ghosts and stuff why would they live theyd be dead wouldnt they? Shelly told me i was a retard and said it meant the program wasnt taped and it was happening right their and then. I told Shelly that she was a cow and i hid her mobile when she wasnt looking. I nearly pissed myself after shed spent an hour looking under all the tables for it. She shouldnt mess with Shampayne!

Anway we all made up and took some more photos before the minibus arived. Heres Shelly and Jay a little worse for ware!



Im bunking off collige today as ive got a headache from drinking too much teckela. Mom says im look shit today THANKS MOM! Shes a fine one to talk after shes been out at the Flagging Lamb doing karioke. She and aunty Jean always come home looking like rape victims. I hate parents and there double standards sometimes!

Laters!